We are lucky in one way in that we live in a world which allows us to share information with each other quite easily. When reading a book about the days of the pioneers one of the things always mentioned is the high fatality rate of their children. So many of these families lived too far from one another to gain any support, they may have left their extended families far behind and so they had to quietly cope alone with this same pain we are experiencing as grieving family and friends. With the abundance of support groups, books and various means of communication, including computers, today we can connect with others all over the world. We can acknowledge our feelings of grief, and we can learn from others how best to cope. This area of Live To Remember is to help by both sharing and learning from one another. Please visit the MESSAGE BOARD to add your own personal experiences, concerns, questions and helpful advice to others.

Think of grief as a path. You are on the road of life moving along as we all do when this loss in your life bumps you off of that road and onto a nearby dirt path. Rough, bumpy and hard to walk on, this road offers a challenge you have never before had to face. While the Life's Road has its own ups and downs, this is far worse and you are scared as you have never had to cope with anything quite like this before. You don't think you can do it. It is far too rough, far too painful.

You have two choices here: sit down and give up or keep walking, bumps and all. Sometimes, when it gets very bad, you might need to stop and take a rest and that is normal and understandable. However, if you find you just cannot keep moving, you need to ask for help. Friends, family, clergy or a counselor - whichever makes you feel most comfortable. If you don't do this, and you simply cannot move on your own, you will remain there. It may seem that you are doing fine and getting back on the main road but you truly are not. Grief will still come up behind you now and then and catch you unawares. In order to truly move on, you must face your grief and push on.

If a person is badly hurt physically, beyond endurance, basic reactions are not only normal but expected. They scream, cry, beg for mercy and help. Sounds such as a wounded animal makes when in extreme pain pours from their throat until relief is found. The same holds true for grief. Grief hurts beyond all possible understanding and relief must be found in release. I am a private person when it comes to showing my grief. If anyone tries to hug me or talk to me I simply cry harder. I like to be alone. I also did not care to let out these overwhelming feelings in front of my children. I knew they would be upset to see their mother losing control in this manner. And so, when I felt the grief and sadness building up inside of me to the point that I knew I would boil over it was time to go for a ride. In my car I could let everything out. I screamed, I sobbed, I pled with God to make things different, I cursed the situation, I howled like a dog. When I got home I would feel much better. I need a release of emotion. Yes, it was hard, yes, it

But your children are not upset, they just want to comfort you as you have comforted them, don't feel seflcon

All rights reserved. Copyright © 2006 Radiant Unicorn Graphics/Laurie J. Crist.

No material from this site may be reproduced in any form without permission.